Dear antifeminist men who like to try leaving comments on my blog,

It’s cute that you actually think anyone cares. Really, I find your idealism quite endearing, but this is the real world, sweetie. Maybe if you tried to be nicer. Then you wouldn’t scare people off with your “radical” message. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, after all.

I also think, from your comments, that you are all really overgeneralizing. You all tried to post comments on the same blog entry, most of you obviously without reading any of the content on this site, so accusing all feminists of acting a certain way and believing certain things, especially when you have clearly made no effort to understand what I believe and why, is a tiny bit unfair of you. Conversely, if you don’t take me seriously enough to understand me and form a decent, well-reasoned argument, then I certainly don’t need to waste any time taking you seriously either.

I’d like to thank you all for enlightening me with your abusive comments. For instance, I would never have known that a woman cannot be both intelligent and attractive, because intelligence is only developed as a compensatory mechanism in order to attract a male mate. Little did I know that all the gorgeous, intelligent women I know, myself included (it’s my site, I can actually like how I look, thank you), are actually just faking it all for attention or exist only in my imagination. Also, thank you for making me aware of the nonexistence of lesbians and gay men, and especially people who do not fit into the traditional binary concept of sex and gender. We queers weren’t marginalized enough already. Really.

And, as a matter of fact, I, too, sometimes find it troubling that some of you were ever given the right to vote. After all, how can it not be troubling that those who believe not everyone deserves basic human rights are helping make important political decisions? However, the difference between you and me is that even if I don’t like you, I still think everyone has the right to vote. Yes, novel, I know, because I realize that we feminists are all hypocrites who want able-bodied white heterosexual rich men to be stripped naked and kept in cages all day while we engage in satanic lesbian orgies at the UN. (And before you protest that you didn’t say that, I recall seeing the vast lesbian feminist new world order conspiracy being leveled on the internet a couple of years ago, and I assume it’s reasonable to believe all antifeminists subscribe the same set of ideas and values, since it’s certainly true about us!)

Finally: why do you hate women? Your comments, to me, really seem to genuinely be expressing a hate for women. You may not think your comments are misogynistic, but I really sense a lot of resentment. Have you been hurt or rejected by strong, gorgeous, intelligent, somewhat intimidating women in the past? While I love people of all sexes and genders, and genuinely respect all men, inasmuch as they are human beings worthy of respect, even when they say unbelievably stupid things, you seem treat women as if they are a lower form of life. If you hate us so much, why do you want to have sex with us and marry us? No, really, I realize now that we’re all disgusting and nasty and stupid and gross, so I will henceforth stop being attracted to anything that looks remotely female, but I’m worried. Where the women I’ve known often treat me with a certain level of acceptance and support, how will I ever land a man if you all hate us so much? Why would you want us, if we’re so awful? Even if I weren’t a feminist and conformed to all your contradictory expectations, apparently, you still wouldn’t want me.

But anyway, I don’t have a lot of time and I want to keep this short. Just one final, heartfelt, sincere “THANK YOU” for showing me the error of my ways through the use of profanity, attempted intimidation, and a complete ignorance of the concept of satire (you thought the SCUM Manifesto was serious? REALLY? and where did I mention it anywhere on my site except now, since you brought it up?). Now that I know how evil feminists and our suffrage and everything is, I’ll immediately take down my site and stop being attracted to girls and shave my legs and wear a bra and quit my job as a psychic and get a good, godly career at McDonald’s or something until I land myself a man and can pop out five or six babies like my mom did in Utah!

After all, I can only assume that’s what you want me to do. Otherwise, why would you spend so much time and effort attempting to convince me of the error of my ways when I’m obviously not going to listen to anything you have to say?

This entry was posted on Friday, February 24th, 2006 at 12:43 pm and is filed under Open Letters, Rants and Rages.