Street Harassment
March 24th, 2006I don’t have a car. I hate driving and it’s probably safer for everyone on the road; I’m incapable of both getting the car to move in a straight line and also paying attention to a million different things going on at once around me. As a consequence, if any place I want to go is within a few miles, I’ll walk. I get rides from people or take the bus.
For some reason the past few years I’ve been victim to an explosion of random harassment on the street. No one ever used to bother me until about three years ago, when all of the sudden I was suddenly subject to unwanted attention by guys trying to intimidate me into going out with them, or men shouting at me or honking on the street. I’m not a person who deals well with this. I freeze up. I want to crawl into a hole in the sidewalk somewhere and just die. It’s the most I can do to simply ignore it and not give them the satisfaction of a response; forget confronting anyone, yelling “fuck you” or flipping them off — I wish to God I could. My reflexes aren’t that fast and it upsets me too much to immediately react. And maybe I’m a little afraid to. I think my attitude is enough to keep people from confronting me, generally (apparently I scare and intimidate people), but apart from that, I’m a very small person. I feel tiny, and I’m very aware, sometimes, how vulnerable that makes me.
Anyway, I hadn’t had any problems since August or September, so I suppose I assumed that it had somehow stopped. But I think the assholes were just waiting until spring to emerge.
In the past few weeks, I’ve been honked at many times and even had one idiot stop in the middle of the street (residential neighborhood, so not a lot of traffic) and slooowly cruise by, making sounds which I honestly thought at first were a pigeon or something. (I swear this is true. Sexy, huh? He sure thought so. Dumbass.) He finally drove away when I refused to acknowledge him at all and people behind him got pissed off and started honking. But none of this has ever really bothered me. Sure, I didn’t like it, but I can forget it and keep going about my day.
Today, while walking to work, I had some guys zoom by and scream at me. Some unintelligible but almost certainly obscene statement that ended with the word “bitch”. (At first it really bothered me that I couldn’t make out what they’d said. But I’m pretty sure I’m better off not knowing.) I have no idea what I did to deserve being called names. Maybe they’d tried to get my attention and I didn’t notice. Or maybe they were just pathetic scum with nothing better to do with their day than assault random people. Scratch that — women. People don’t do this to men. And that is an act of violence. It is a violation. To not feel safe in your own neighborhood, half a block away from, of all things, an elementary school, with kindergartners running around and everything.
That did upset me. I got to work and wanted to cry. It took me most of the day to even begin to forget about it. Being called a bitch on the street ruined my day.
Tell me that’s a compliment. Just try to tell me I should appreciate that they found me an attractive target for their aggression. I fucking dare you.
It’s not any different at all from when men cat-call or whistle or say other things which may not involve such rude language or names. It’s the same sentiment, it’s just that these guys didn’t feel the need to hide their utter contempt for women. It’s not a compliment. It’s not about being found attractive. It’s about men asserting their power over women — and except on the most superficial level, it’s not even sexual. It’s violent. It’s unbridled hate for simply being born what I am. An object to be despised except when I can be used.
This reminded me of an old post by Echidne on misogynists and how feminism brings them out of the woodwork. Basically this post argues that misogynists are less common than we think, it’s simply that outspoken feminist bloggers attract more trolls and give us an inflated sense of how many men really, truly hate us.
And while I think it’s a good post, and it has a point, I think it’s absolutely not true. I think misogynists are pretty fucking common. I think more men totally despise women more than we ever want to admit. Because I’m not doing anything to attract unwarranted attention when I walk on the street. I’m not spouting my politics, I’m not dressing or acting in any way which could reveal that I am a feminist or the uppity broad I am. If anything, I look average, I look feminine, and I’m the farthest thing in most people’s mind from a queer feminist stereotype. And yet I encounter this shit just as much, sometimes more, in daily life, in apolitical contexts, than I do online.
Misogyny is totally ubiquitous. It’s all-pervading. It’s everywhere, all the time, and I, at least, am being constantly bombarded with it. What makes this worse is that this behavior is perceived as normal. I don’t know what other conclusion I’m supposed to come to except that the majority of men hate women, otherwise, this wouldn’t happen constantly, and it certainly wouldn’t be seen as okay.
Yeah, I know, it could be worse. This place is better than some.
But it’s still bad.
June 4th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
Sorry for that..but..the first thing…does this happen to all ladies (or atleast..majority??)..
If YES..then men’s behaviour (in your neighbourhood)should change!
If NOT..then, there is a problem somewhere…How do u dress up???(i know we all have freedom to chose
whatever we want to dress)…but social pressure matters sometimes….
June 4th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
Uh…yeah…it pretty much happens to very many women (I’d venture to say most have experienced at least sometimes) regardless of how they dress.
August 17th, 2006 at 7:06 am
So, I did a google search for “random harassment” after an incident of such this morning. I’m wearing a plain, gray, knee length skirt, flip-flops (worn purposefully not to draw the attention that a heel would to my legs), and a plain, burgundy short-sleeved sweater. and I was stared at on the street, in the subway station and walking to work. I’m not talking passing glances, everyone gives a passing glance. I’m talking downright, look-you-up-and-down stares.
the kicker was when I was walking to work. I walk down a corridor from the subway, it’s about 12 feet wide and sparsely populated. this man is walking straight at me, so I move a little and he echos my move. as he approaches, he gets right up in my face and shouts “get the fuck out of the way.” and continues on his way. this is the SECOND time in ONE month this has happened to me. I’m white, they were black, does it matter? I was dressed professionaly this time, but last time I was in a loose-fitting t-shirt and longish running shorts. last time I was so astounded I did nothing (except buy cookies and chips and gourge myself). this time I turned around and shouted back at him. he kept walking away and cursing and saying what I’m sure were derogatory things (but I couldn’t really hear).
the next time, I’m not going to be so passive. I don’t deserve this, nor does any woman. I especially fear for those who don’t have the stature to take care of themselves. I could have physically fought this man, so I really wasn’t that scared for my person. (not that I would ever want to resort of a fight, but I guess my mind wanders to what could have happened if the corridor had been vacant). A lot of women couldn’t have.
I’m scared. I’m mad. and I don’t get it. is it because women are increasingly showing up in “high-powered” positions that a lot of men wouldn’t qualify for? do they (men) someone have to make themselves feel better by belittling women?
I just wanted to write and echo that this does happen to women everywhere. cat-calls especially, but I’ve given up caring about those.
March 23rd, 2007 at 8:23 pm
*claps loudly* Hon, you have spoken the truth. I have witnessed this and put up with this since I was 11 years old. You are the first woman I’ve known of besides myself who will protest. I don’t hate men. I love many things about them. I hate (most) of their attitudes toward women, though. Having a penis does not=entitlement.
In response to kulwa: I don’t know if you’re male or female but here’s the deal. As women, it doesn’t matter what we wear. The fact that we are not men immediately invites hostility. I happen to be very petite and curvy. I carry myself decently and my outfits mostly consist of button-down long sleeved shirts, jeans, or dockers. I prefer comfy loafers to heels. I never wear makeup or jewelry. I will wear halter tops or short skirts if I’m attending a party but that sort of attire is rare for me. Most men, an overwhelming number, still stare at me and make inappropriate comments. This is not coincidence and it is not related to clothes or limited to where a person lives. I can be buttoned up to my throat with no skin showing and I still hear the lewd comments. Whose fault is that? I see what you’re saying about social pressure but the fact is that if a woman has the free will to cover up or show off…then a man should display the ability to control himself and curb his sexist attitude. It isn’t difficult to do, to show a bit of self-control and respect towards another person.
It is very simple to shirk responsibility by saying that women decide how men treat them, based on our clothes. This way they can say it is our fault while continuing to abuse, belittle, and disrespect us. “She’s female so therefore I can intimidate her” is the attitude here. “She’s wearing this so I can call her names” is the attitude. Some women don’t help to offset this sexism because deep down they feel that if they speak out about it, they will be labeled man haters, or worse. So they stay complacent or they join in hating their own sex. This doesn’t help and it doesn’t alter the fact that these women will never be viewed as “one of the boys”, no matter what she does or how tough she talks. Feminism is not about hating men…it is about altering men’s subconscious attitudes toward the female sex. Most men would not disrespect their daughters or mothers, but they will treat every other female they encounter as if she is a non-entity, simply a pair of tits. Male attention can be fun and positive. It can also be hostile.
When somebody threw a bottle out of a car window at me one night as I speed-walked with my mother (I was 17), I wondered what I could have done. When a man exposed himself and fondled his penis in his truck while he drove by me slowly as I walked home from school, I wondered if it was my fault. All the times men have cornered me, called me “bitch” and “whore”, shouted at me while driving by, muttered lewd comments, stared me down, spit at me…all that is a reflection of the male attitudes that prevail across society. The fact that I’m little and pretty makes them feel like, hey, I can bully this one. I’m a tough-talking woman and I have a don’t-fuck-with-me demeanor so most guys have learned not to bother me. I have no problem with using foul language towards men if they disrespect me. I’m not property, I’m a person. I relate to what you said about crying after street harrassment. I’ve cried about it too, because it makes a person feel LOW. You wonder what could cause a stranger to hate you. Well, I’ve learned that it isn’t about me. Women have joined in with men some of the times when I’ve been harrassed on the street. People behave this way out of insecurity, both men and women. Women-out of fear that they will become victims too they decide to turn on their own sex. Men-out of societal pressure and what they learned at home. In my conversations with most men, they seem to shy away from this subject. The discomfort is visible because what they hear from me hits close to home. Often they become defensive or they deny that sexism is real. Not all men participate in harrassment of women, but most don’t talk about it either. They prefer to accept it as normal behavior and rationalize/justify it.
No one deserves to be intimidated, threatened, abused, or assaulted. Most men learn that sensitivity is an effeminate/ homosexual trait and that instead it is “masculine” to be violent, cruel, predatory. So there is definitely pressure on them to view revolting types of porn and to call women “cunts/whores/bitches/dykes” and to see almost every woman as meat. These things are not entirely responsible for street harrassment, but they help contribute to it. The men who are out there verbally and psychologically assaulting women need to know that their actions are inexcusable. It is not ok. It will never be ok.
April 24th, 2007 at 3:21 am
Yes, I’m a victim of street harrassment too. It doesn’t matter what I wear - I can be wearing a longish skirt and a blouse and it can be the middle of summer, or it can be the middle of winter, freezing cold, and I can be wearing a biiiig fleecy jacket, I’ll still get wolf whistled, cat called, shouted at, honked…
Yesterday I was walking to the bus stop, and a man leaned out of his car and ROARED at me. I nearly had a heart attack, and I heard him laughing as he drove away. I was wearing jeans and a jacket, nothing particularly out-of-the-ordinary. What did I do to deserve this?
I agree with M.T. If women should display the ability to choose clothes that are not sexually inviting, or whatever label you care to give them, Kulwa, then men should display the ability to keep their mouths shut.