So I found a link to Reluctant Lactivist via Alas today. Again this stupid thing about breasts and people’s stupid related hang-ups. But anyway, the story is basically thus:

On April 4th I sat down on a bench at the Gateway Fred Meyer to nurse my two-month-old son. It was about five o’clock on a busy Tuesday afternoon. The last place I wanted to be nursing was in that spot as it was noisy and distracting, but at the time, I couldn’t think of better place to attend to my baby’s needs. I also had my rather flighty three-year-old daughter with me, so wandering around the store to find a quieter spot would’ve left me instead chasing a toddler while carrying a bawling baby. Anyway, I’ve always made a point of nursing in public as part of my personal breastfeeding promotion campaign. So, I sat there, struggling to get my crying son to nurse while keeping an eye on my toddler in a busy store. Like many women living in a culture that has so thoroughly sexualized them, baring my breasts in public is not something I relish. At the same time, attending to my baby’s needs is more important to me that maintaining my modesty. So, I do my best to keep myself covered and assume that people will be polite enough not to stare. It’s not easy, though, to be discreet when nursing an upset two-month-old.

After nursing for five minutes or so, my son seemed comfortable enough for us to start shopping. As I reached into my bag to get my sling, Troy Hardig, Gateway Store Director, approached me. He had a weird look on his face and as I was trying to figure out why he was apporaching me when he opens with, “Oh, good. You’re getting a blanket.” He told me there had been complaints about my nursing, not that he minded, but that some people were offended. I was so stunned I couldn’t think of what to say, except to remind him that Oregon law protects a mother’s right to nurse in public. I felt absolutely humiliated. His comments left me feeling like I’d been doing something lewd. Unbelievably, when I spoke with Todd Heinle, Fred Meyers East Portland/SW Wash Operations Supervisor, a couple days later about the incident, he supported the store manager’s claim that I should have been more “discreet” and that three people had complained. I’m outraged that Fred Meyer’s corporate policy supports legitimizing the complaints of those offended by mothers who nurse in public, rather than the legally protected right of mothers who are trying to take care of their children. How can the offended sensibilities of even a dozen customers trump the legitimate needs of a baby?

I think she’s doing well for herself, getting the story out there on the news and all. Read more of her blog if you want to know more details. Good for her. I think this woman is totally awesome.

It’s the comments ignorant people are making about this that I want to talk about. People’s attitudes on breastfeeding pretty much enrage me. I’m not a mother but I want to be at some point and when I do have babies, of course I plan to breastfeed them (barring any unforeseen circumstances, since there are the occasional babies that won’t or can’t breastfeed).

A sampling of ignorance:

There are truly some bizarre remarks posted at Reluctant Lactivist. There’s the person who thinks breast-feeding will cause massive outbreaks of e-coli (…what?). There’s this:

Wow. If you only put all this effort in to something worthwhile. There is real discrimination out there, you know. Real atrocities against mothers and children. It would be amazing to see how you could help alleviate suffering, if only you put all this self righteous anger to some good use.

Ah, the rallying cry of everyone who’s ever been annoyed by any sort of activism ever: try to discredit something that affects an individual personally by implying they’re

a) hurting the disadvantaged by not focusing on the right causes (look, there’s plenty of activism to go around, all right?)

b) being “selfish” (see point a)

c) wasting their time (either by not promoting the “right kind” of change — above — or by attempting to change anything at all — for an example of the latter kind of thinking, see the next quote)

you are fighting a losing battle. If you don’t like the heat stay out of the fire. You can’t change the so called “ignorant” people’s opinion. Again the world does not always agree with your opinion. Anyhow who doesn’t you consider ignorant. Why can’t you deal with the fact that some people have a different opinion then you without simply dismissing their opinion as ignorant. Who died and make you all wise and just? Deal with it. If you don’t like the criticism in your blog, either dont look or you should have though twice about going on TV with your opinion!! There will be people who both agree and disagree with your opinion. Deal with it. Or you can start to censor your blog, like you say you are going to. Then where would you be? Hypocrit!

Ah, the you-can’t-change-anything-ever-so-you-might-as-well-not-even-try fallacy. Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy. And if anyone ever disagrees with you, especially in a manner which clearly indicates they have no knowledge of the subject matter at hand (is that not the definition of “ignorance” as it is being used?), clearly, you’re WRONG. Bah.

Okay. So there’s the stupid comments that can apply to almost any kind of activism. They’re ignorant and pretty easy to dismiss. There’s also the specific comments about women who just need to keep their breasts covered, etc.

I’m female, but I’m getting a little sick of the ragin’ booby ladies wanting to flap them tatters everywhere.

I agree with the other poster…think of the social problems that could be solved if the ragin’ booby ladies actually worked on a real issue.

Thats what breastpumps are made for!! You could buy one at Fred Meyer while you are there! This is not about nourishment or the baby for that matter of fact. Its all about your leaking breast a hangin’ out. This is not a turn on for anyone. There is no need for it. I am a mother too but I have respect for others. Try covering up with a blanket and see how many complaints you get then!! and before you even try to say that your baby refuses to be covered up… I will respond right now by saying…Use a Breastpump at home and bring the bottle with you! This eliminates the need to take your 3 year old and newborn in the bathroom to nurse. Now what excuse will you have? You can sure tell this is the Its all about Me generation.

The objectification of women at the expense of their own or their children’s health is not a “real” issue? It’s not an issue that parenthood (and everything else) has been so commercialized to the extent that people’s first suggestion is “buy a breast pump” rather than realizing that it doesn’t need to be commercial, that all consumerism does is sell unnecessary products when the natural process itself is so much safer, cleaner, efficient, and inexpensive? (What did women do before bottles and breast pumps? However did humanity survive? Oh, right.)

And…wait… Let’s examine that second comment again. “This is not about nourishment or the baby for that matter of fact. Its all about your leaking breast a hangin’ out. This is not a turn on for anyone.”

THIS IS EXACTLY THE PROBLEM. Breastfeeding is NOT a turn-on. Nor should it be. Turning the natural process of a mother nourishing an infant into something sexual is CREEPY and GROSS.

(An aside: “That’s what breast pumps are for?” …That’s what BREASTS are for!)

To expand on this point, let’s look at some comments from another site, Blogging Baby.

I know this is only because of my puritan unbringing, but I do not think there is any harm in expecting a breastfeeding mother from doing her best to “cover up”. I understand that there are heat issues and that some babies don’t like the blanket, but I think our puritan population expects body parts (e.g., breasts, bums, etc.) to be covered. Some opinions about breastfeeding are challenging the puritan perception of our country. As with all related “exposures”, I think they have a tough road agead. Just because a person has preferences that lead to habits that are less modest, does not mean that it is okay for society. Are nursing mothers who don’t want to use cover-ups entitled to preferential treatment from folks who want to roam the earth naked? I know many of you will think this is my own personal issue, and you are correct. It is a reflection of my attitude about modesty.

I know this person is trying to be sympathetic, and at least this commenter isn’t, like, comparing breast milk to urine like certain other people who shall not be named.

“I do not think there is any harm in expecting a breastfeeding mother … to ‘cover up’.”

It IS harmful. It perpetuates negative attitudes about parenting and women’s sexuality, and it ignorantly connects the two so that breastfeeding, an act about as sexual as eating a sandwich, is seen as “indecent”. It encourages people to make ignorant comments about how a woman should just “wait until she gets home” to feed a baby — where in any other situation that would be considered neglect. The baby needs to eat.

“Just because a person has preferences that lead to habits that are less modest, does not mean that it is okay for society.”

Screw society. Pointing to society to dictate what is right and what is wrong is stupid, because social attitudes vary and change. What, if society is unhealthy (and American society most definitely is in very many ways), we should support and perpetuate it? What is “okay” for society is very often not okay for the people living in it. What is “okay” for society can be harmful, painful, shameful, or deadly for certain groups trying to live within it. Slavery is, dare I say it, extremely “good” for society economically. But that doesn’t make it justifiable or right. Good (in the sense of beneficial to the individual or collective, not as in the moral ideal) is a relative concept, because practices which benefit one person quite often end up disenfranchising someone else. (Appealing to popular opinion, by the way, is a logical fallacy. People should learn logic in school, I think.)

Finally, to make up for the stupidity preceding this point, a refreshing comment “Dawn” at Baby Blogging, which I think addressing it all quite nicely:

I already commented early on, but feel compelled to post again. I am amazed and saddened at the successful brainwashing accomplished by the makers and purveyors of artificial baby milk replacers (aka: formula). Have you never wondered at the pictures in the parenting magazines that show the breastfeeding mother with her shirt and both breasts exposed? Take a good look at the pics of the bottlefeeding mom. She is buttoned up like a 1960’s nun. Really. Check it out. The bottlefeeder will also (usually) have her wedding band prominently displayed, while the breastfeeding ‘hussy’ will either have her hand out of sight, or no ring on the left hand visible. There were studies done on this, folks. It’s despicable, and very effective. People automatically ASSUME (and remember the risk of ‘assuming’ anything!LOL) that a breastfeeding mother MUST have her breast(s) exposed. Has no one but me ever heard of www.motherwear.com or www.elizabethlee.com ? Sadly, there actually are people, moms included, who have never seen or heard of nursing clothing. It is possible to nurse anywhere, anytime, and be not only discreet but FASHIONABLE! I can’t say as that I’m fashionable, really. After six kids I’m lucky not to scare the postman some days, but - I’ve never needed to ‘expose’ myself beyond that fragmentary flash of nipple demanded at the moment of latch-on. Never. Even when I was a size 9 (and 20 yrs ago, that was a dandy number, you didn’t see a size 2 or 0 unless they did drugs heavily), there is never a reason to expose yourself. There is always the baby to consider, of course. Some babies take it quite personally if you try to isolate them from seeing their momma’s face, or the rest of the world, by cocooning them in a silly blankie. It only gets ‘worse’ as they get older. Most of my kids have nursed to around 2 yrs of age. My youngest, and last, will sometimes sing/hum to herself as she nurses. The act of nursing my baby is SACRED. That some people are so twisted as to see it as sick or repulsive is sadder than words can convey. This is not a ‘Janet Jackson’ thing; any reasonable person knows that. Her ‘wardrobe malfunction’ was a deliberate and planned event’. Why do you think she was wearing a - what do you call ‘em - a pasty? You don’t run around wearing one of those (or two of them for that matter) if you aren’t figuring on your boob popping out somehow, somewhere. LOL Breasts are for feeding babies, not selling cars or booze or diet drugs (or mortgages - what’s up with that weird ad on yahoo?). Our bodies know how to make babies; they also know how to FEED babies. Sadly, our society is very misogynistic (woman-hating). What comes to mind upon reading all the breast-hating, accusatory comments here is this: When elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers. If ‘adults’ are the elephants, who do y’all suppose is the grass?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 25th, 2006 at 1:00 pm and is filed under Body and Beauty Standards, Maternity, Random, Sexuality, Society.