Seriously, what is “femininity” even supposed to be?
May 12th, 2006This post at Pandagon and some of the comments my posts about makeup, etc., have sparked really make me wonder. Common words people are using to describe certain socially-accepted practices of grooming and dressing seem very problematic to me. Specifically, people keep referring to this concept of the “feminine”. Feminine fashion. Girly dress.
And everyone seems to have at least a slightly different idea of what “femininity” entails.
This is why I purposely try to never use the words “feminine” and “masculine” in this context unless it’s tongue-in-cheek or I’m making it clear I’m using the popular understanding of words that I don’t particularly like. “Girly” has a particular place of loathing deep within my vocabulary because it sounds very dismissive and basically infantilizing, but I understand it’s not always used that way, so it’s not that I get angry at people for using it (unless it’s obviously in a pejorative context).
What’s “girly”? Why is makeup “girly”? Not all girls wear it. Not only girls wear it. Not only girls can wear it. Is long hair “girly”? Because even if it’s not as in fashion in America today, in plenty of places throughout history men have worn their hair long, too. There is no intrinsic definition of this word that has anything to do with the state of being female or identifying as a girl/woman.
Similarly with masculine/feminine. Any application of these words to certain ways of dressing or grooming or whatever seem entirely arbitrary to me. I usually treat these words as basically meaningless and highly subjective descriptors. I have no way of knowing what other people consider masculine and feminine, because it varies from person to person and culture to culture. There’s enough of a basic understanding of what is meant that people continue to use them, but it’s a serious pet peeve of mine, especially in this kind of discussion, because the words are usually too vague to really impart much.
(A note on usage: When I use these words in this kind of discussion, it’s usually in the context of gender roles, expected, enforced, or discouraged behavior and personality traits — and I’ll make clear to clarify “masculine gender role” when I use it as such. The other context I use it in is to describe gender identity, which isn’t necessarily a standard usage but I think using “men” and “women” and “masculine/feminine gender ID” makes it clearer when I’m talking about gender rather than physical sex characteristics, when I try to use the terms “male” and “female” to describe biology. Obviously one’s gender identity and sex usually coincide so there is some overlap and a little confusion, and I’m not always sure which word is appropriate. But if the discussion involves gender vs. gender roles vs. physical sex I always try to make the distinction, and that’s the only time you’ll hear me use the words “masculine” and “feminine” seriously.)
If “feminine” is what women do, how women dress, what women typically are, that doesn’t get us any closer to a standard definition than where we started, because individual women have so much variation in preferences and personality that I’m not sure there even is what we could call statistically average behavior. Men and women and everyone outside the binary act in pretty much any conceivable way possible regardless of physiology or psychology. Average where? When? Within which subcultures or groups? Even people who more-or-less conform to their assigned gender role typically exhibit a wide range of personality traits and interests. (And this definitely includes fashion sense.)
If femininity is what women are, then clearly whatever is typical for me can be labeled feminine. Therefore it is feminine to be geeky, obsessed with science fiction, into computers and video games, to enjoy action movies, read comic books, to be loud and aggressive in conversation, and to argue with people a lot.
If I’m not typically feminine, something I think few would accuse me of, I must be masculine…for a female. So it must be masculine to have long hair, wear skirts, cook, be willing to compromise and defer to others’ needs, write romance, watch musicals, love classical music, and read poetry. Oh, yes, and if I’m not feminine it must be a deeply masculine trait to be concerned with social justice, particularly queer issues and feminism.
If you’re going to disagree with either of the preceding paragraphs, if I’m not masculine or feminine, what am I?
What do “masculinity” and “femininity” mean to you and why? What do you mean when you use the words? If you know what you mean, why don’t you just state that definition instead?
Not the most important issue in the world; it just seems like something worth thinking about.
May 12th, 2006 at 3:54 pm
Thank you for the post.
For me, “masculinity” holds more meaning today than “femininity”. The word “feminine” has been overused by marketers and the media, blurring the lines of its meaning. “Feminine” used to imply exclusively not assertive, in today’s world, you can still be “feminine” and be assertive. In fact, more and more women are successfully using ‘feminine wiles’ to be assertive.
I am more likely to use the term ‘masculine’ to describe male behavior than to use ‘feminine’ to describe female behavior.
I don’t use the term ‘feminine’ to describe the behavior of men, prefering to use ‘flamboyant’. I rarely will call a woman’s behavior ‘masculine’, preferring to use ‘aggressive’ when appropriate and ‘like a bull dike’ when appropriate (similarly using ‘flamboyantly gay’ for some men).
In today’s world where ‘metrosexual’ even seems to have jumped the shark, the terms have less and less meaning.
I prefer to use the terms ‘aggressive’ and ‘demure’, ‘plain’ and ‘frilly’, ’seductive’ and ‘offensive’.
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:55 am
Anymore I probably think of gender mostly in terms of the person’s self-perception.
But I also don’t assume that a “gender” has any certain qualities. Masculinity doesn’t always mean strong. Femininity doesn’t necessarily mean nuturing.
I tend to see gender mostly as palette for stylizing social interaction and contructing the surface.
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:58 pm
It’s unbelievable to me that we, as a society, cannot collectively realise (or maybe don’t want to realise?) that ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ are completely fabricated polar adjectives. Our language has been defined for us by the oppressors. When looked at in this way, how can anyone not see that any definition is skewed in favour of that ruling class? Is it ‘biology’ that means masculinity equates in definition with bravery, confidence, logic, skill etc etc ? Is it really a coincidence that *only* the ruling class can seemingly possess these ‘good’ qualities, which are supposedly innate and determined by gender? It’s laughable. The lie is so transparent. And fascist. So a ‘good’ woman will be subservient, look good for her man (and it better be a man), not have strong opinions, not speak loudly, not laugh loudly, not take up space, not aspire to anything other than motherhood, not question the status quo. And that’s not even going into the virgin/whore dichotomy. If you think this is over the top and couldn’t ‘possibly’ relate to our western society (which it does) and if you want a more transparent view of this, it’s easy to find. There are many many MANY societies today where if a woman is raped, not only isn’t she believed, *she* is criminalized. In Turkey (a country about to join the EU!!), in the Kurdish region, if a girl steps out of line (i.e. not following qualities outlined above), she is locked in a room with a gun (or other weapon) until she goes mad and kills herself.
May 22nd, 2007 at 4:30 am
It seems to me that there is a choice of how you define the terms masculine/feminine
1) They refer to a definable set of characteristics, usually associated with men or women…. but the problem, as you said, is that there is so much variation within the genders that this association is quite arbitrary and totally linked in to which society you happen to working within.
2)They refer to what men and women actually are like, and what they actually do and are into. In this case anything and everything a woman does is feminine, and the same for men and masculinity. Unfortunately for this definition, men and women do, and like, a lot of the same stuff… so masculinity and femininity are not binary opposites (or complementary), are almost impossible to define, and any definitions become entangled in statistics.
Going back to the first definition… when I use the terms faminine/masculine, I usually do so in the understanding that the traits I’m describing aren’t actually related to the gender of the people/objects/ideas I’m applying them to. Like when saying a guy is ‘feminine’, I do realise that I don’t mean he’s ‘like a girl’. This is just a lazier way of describing things than actually outlining the traits I’m really talking about (delicacy, sensitivity, brutishness etc.). Also, using the terms as they are, linked to a gender, is dangerous in that it continues the false impression that it is ‘normal’ and ‘natural’ for women to be feminine(as in the traits associated with women - not those they actually exhibit…definition 1) and for men to be masculine.