So the other day I finally got around to shaving my head, something I’ve been threatening to do for months but apparently no one took seriously. I showed them. Donating my massive amounts of hair to Locks of Love.

Before:

After:

Yeah, that’s a lot of hair.

So, my sister’s boyfriend’s mom came by this morning (which I guess makes her some sort of pseudo-mother-in-law) and, while she didn’t have a negative reaction, exactly, one of the immediate questions out of her mouth, following “Oh my god, you shaved your head” and “doesn’t it feel weird to lose all that hair?” was, predictably: “Well, how does your boyfriend feel about it?”*

Note 1: I have never mentioned any boyfriend to her. I don’t know if my sister or her boyfriend mentioned the guy I’m seeing or not, but I have the feeling that she sort of just assumed. I’m a relatively conventionally pretty girl, I must have a boyfriend, right? Nevermind that I’m about a 4.5 on the Kinsey scale. Nevermind that I haven’t actually had a relationship until now for about, oh, four years (that would be my junior year of high school), because I really don’t need a relationship to feel complete or anything. (Hell, if anything, relationships just make everything about 100 times more difficult.)

Note 2: Nevermind that I’ve only known the guy for slightly less than a month. Should I really even care about his opinion? Even if I’d been dating him for a year, should I really care whether he approves of my haircut or not? I mean, what kind of loser gets insecure because his girlfriend cut her hair off? It’s my damn body.

Anyway. I was nice about it. I told her honestly, “Oh, he likes it.” That was that.

And, I mean, I was really glad that he was supportive, although if he weren’t the kind of guy who’d be cool with me getting a buzz cut I wouldn’t be interested in him to begin with, sort of like how if he weren’t the kind of guy who’s totally cool with my bra-burning dykey hairiness I wouldn’t date him. When I told the guy I wanted to cut off all my hair soon (on our second date) he got pretty excited, agreed with my sentiments that girls with shaved heads are totally hot, and said he wanted to help me do it. He insisted I wait until he could be around to do it so that he could see. That didn’t end up happening for reasons too dramatic and complicated to explain here, but it’s the sentiment that counts.

I just hate that so much. “You got a buzz cut? What does your boyfriend think?” “You don’t shave? What does your boyfriend think?” “You don’t wear makeup? What does your boyfriend think?”

On the rare occasion I actually have any sort of romantic interest approaching the level of “boyfriend”, what the fuck do I care what he thinks about my haircut? I mean, obviously, on the most basic level, yes, I care. If he were the kind of guy who would flip out and break up with me over it, I would care (but I doubt I’d get very far with that kind of person, anyway), but I’d “care” more in the sense of, “Okay, you’re a douchebag. Get lost.” And clearly I do care about his opinions, thoughts, and feelings, otherwise I wouldn’t be wasting all my time talking to him, hanging out with him when we can manage it (distance = suck), getting to know him.

But really. I hear this a lot. Every time a woman gets a “boyish” haircut or does something potentially controversial or unladylike. “What does your boyfriend think?” People don’t even always know if she even has a boyfriend. It’s just assumed there’s some male out there and it’s her duty to please him.

Fuck that.

I hate the very concept that I’m expected to tailor my actions and opinions to what the man in my life (who may or may not exist) might find acceptable. He knows who and what I am. He can take me, or leave me if he doesn’t like it. (And that goes both ways.) And if he chose to leave, especially over something as superficial as a haircut, screw him, I don’t need that kind of juvenile immaturity in my life. I don’t care what my “boy”friend thinks of my haircut. I’ll take the man who can handle the concept of a woman as an autonomous being capable of making her own decisions, thanks.

On another note, in my own totally unbiased opinion, I think I look pretty awesome.

Footnote: This is actually the first time anyone has asked me this. Probably because those close to me know better than to ask me this kind of question.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 6th, 2007 at 1:01 pm and is filed under Body and Beauty Standards, Gender and Sex, Queer Issues, Sexuality.