I received a comment on an old post that I wanted to address. Forgive me, I am going to preface this post with a personal anecdote.

When the guything boyfriend and I had our first date, almost a year ago, as we sat together in the car winding through the mountains of Boulder, the conversation turned to feminism (having already meandered through interesting personal anecdotes and basic personal information, and long deep conversation about politics and history which I think left us both impressed), and he said, casually, “You know I don’t expect you to shave your legs or armpits or anything for me.” I told him he’d better not, because any guy who gave a shit about my body hair was obviously not boyfriend material. And then he, completely unbidden and with no input or prodding from me, unleashed a tirade about women internalizing patriarchal beauty standards (oh yes, he used the word “patriarchy” and everything), his male/white privilege, and the wage gap, and that basically sealed the deal for me. Maybe not love at first sight, but definitely lust at first angry highly-controversial leftist political rant. This man was a keeper.

Do I think men can be feminists? Certainly. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with one if I didn’t think he was. This is, yes, personal prejudice, but I also don’t think we’d have been able to stand each other otherwise. I also don’t usually (ever) date guys, and this is one of the big reasons why — men can be feminists, but most aren’t.

The question at hand is, however, an issue of contention among feminists and I understand arguments to the contrary. And I am pretty fucking skeptical of a lot of liberal men who claim to be sympathetic to women’s issues who really aren’t… (An aside: I find it hilarious how consistently readers continue to miss the point of that post, summarized completely in the last sentence. Seriously, folks.) But…in my experience, the only men willing to call themselves “feminists” or “feminist allies” in the first place are usually extremely feminist, whatever political disagreements we may have — otherwise they would not want to use a label which does them no favors socially. Personal experience with some men very committed to and passionate about gender equality and women’s rights has taught me that, yes, men can indeed be feminists, rare though they might be.

There is a radical feminist viewpoint which believes that all men are active agents of a monolithic patriarchy — which, in essence, is true, but this is a gross oversimplification of the structures of oppression and I think an unforgiving understanding of the nature of privilege. I think it is unfair to act as if all men are consciously complicit in and benefit directly from the system. It is wrong to state that gender oppression is the root of all evil, and assume that oppression due to race or sexual orientation or class or physical ability are not also of equal significance and importance. It is true that all men must essentially be sexist — but only because all women have also internalized sexism, because everyone of every race has internalized racism, etc, etc. The only difference is that those with privilege suffer less from these toxic attitudes than do those to whom the hateful stereotypes and beliefs apply. I do not think the fact that not all men are malicious agents of The Patriarchy needs to be disclaimed at every turn and I hesitate to point it out, as it seems both obvious and also derailing from the real point and the big picture. The fact that oppression and privilege are significantly more complex than the radical feminist viewpoint, however, bears discussion.

The biggest danger male feminists pose within the movement, and why some women will argue they have no place in it, is that men are socialized to take control and in their enthusiasm may end up ignoring women’s concerns and women’s voices and thus render the movement ineffective. And I sympathize with the argument that, because feminism must necessarily be concerned chiefly with women’s issues, men should maybe just call themselves “allies” no matter how feminist they may feel — that, while general gender equality is the goal of feminism, specifically male issues are not as pressing and mostly serve to divert attention from bigger issues which would benefit all genders. While feminism is, yes, definitely, about gender equality for everyone, it’s meaningless to pretend that men’s interests are really the ones, at present, which need protecting.

There are some issues, like the fact that domestic violence and sexual harassment against men are not taken seriously, that I think the feminist movement would do well to address…but I would argue are still a women’s issue since society largely ignores it against women, too, against whom it is MUCH more prevalent. (And the fact that it is seen as a “women’s problem” leads to emasculating and misogynist attacks on men with these problems.) Unfortunately, while these are issues of importance to everyone, in the very specific and narrow way in which gender inequality impacts men, it’s really they who have to organize on those issues for themselves within the greater movement. When men make $0.75 to a woman’s dollar for doing the same job and are far less likely to be promoted to high positions within the company, when men are expected to either give up family for career or the other way around and told having both is impossible and selfish, when men are expected to do most of the housework on top of work outside the home for no pay, when men are afraid to walk alone or drink or wear whatever they want for whatever reason or spend time with female friends for fear of being raped and blamed for it for doing the “wrong” things, when the government seeks to restrict men’s basic autonomy in the name of theocratic morality, I’ll be more concerned with turning the focus of gender equality on men. Sorry. Feminism is feminism, and not “gender equalism” for a reason — the inequality is skewed heavily towards men and against women. The fight for gender equality is primarily the fight for women’s rights and there is a reason for that: those are the rights which need defending.

But though I do not think men’s rights are really of much concern in the fight for gender equality, it’s also wrong to say that feminism is solely the province of women and the feminine. Gender is not binary. Gender equality also concerns people who defy traditional (read: heterosexual, white, middle-class) gender conventions. Gender equality, then, cannot be separated from the gay rights movement, from transgender activism, from racism and the various stereotyped roles (oversexed, sexless, nagging, feisty, demure, dangerous) that various racial and ethnic groups find themselves saddled with.

Gender equality must not be seen as a matter of “men vs. women”. Gender equality, we must remember, is not the equality of “both” genders. It is the equality of all genders, sexes, and sexual orientations.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 29th, 2008 at 4:39 pm and is filed under Feminist Movement, Gender and Sex, Queer Issues, Random, Theory.