Okay, this guy is amazing. I’m listening to an interview with Byron Hurt (will be available on the website this evening) on NPR right now. He’s produced a documentary about black masculinity and the misogyny, violence, and homophobia in hip-hop, Beyond Beats and Rhymes, that’ll air on PBS tonight. This guy knows what he’s talking about; he’s obviously educated about race and gender issues and isn’t afraid to use specific, perhaps academic, sometimes loaded terminology (like “socialization”!) that people giving interviews for the media tend to shy away from. I’ve never heard of him before, but this interview blew me away.

It’s so, so rare to run across genuine, self-professed male feminists, especially one who really gets it and is going to an effort to attempt to educate other men about sexism. (And those of you reading this who do, seriously, thank you. I love you guys.) Feminism can only do so much as a white, female movement. We need allies. We need men who aren’t afraid to confront other men about their sexism. We need people of color who aren’t afraid to work within their own communities to challenge sexism and who will fight racism within progressive movements.

This is something I and a lot of feminist bloggers don’t talk about or address much…but it is important. Men have a role to play in the feminist movement, too; sometimes it’s hard to communicate what that role should be, when we’re busy focusing on what it should not be. I know a lot of us get angry when we feel men are diverting attention from our issues and therefore minimizing them. But the truth is that (most of us) recognize and understand that sexism hurts and affects men too in different ways, and most of us find it deeply troubling.

Byron Hurt is doing what feminist men should be doing. He is challenging oppression, bigotry, and intolerance in his own community. Feminist men need to be able to organize and effect change independent of feminist women. There are many issues we can and should work together on, but at some point our interests and abilities diverge. A woman will never be able to explain why sexism is bad for men to men as effectively as another man. A man who attempts to get too involved in a women’s movement runs the risk of using his privilege to reproduce exactly the same unbalanced power dynamics which make women turn to feminism to begin with (and experiences like this, I think, and the reason so many of us are so leery of progressive men interested in the movement). Feminist men need to organize their own movements and focus on the areas where they can have the most positive impact, areas which often diverge from those of primary concern to women. Feminism cannot be an effective movement by focusing only on half of the population, but, frankly, women only have the time, energy, and ability to focus on our own half. There are so many issues which only affect women that we’ve really got our hands full. It’s very hard for our influence to extend beyond that. What we don’t need is men trying to take control of those aspects of the movement. What we need is men to focus on the issues which concern them instead of expecting women to work on men’s issues, too. They can do it better than we can, anyway; that’s their territory.

I don’t know if I’m getting my point across effectively; I’m having trouble articulating exactly what it is I admire so much about this guy. Just take note, feminist men: Byron Hurt is doing something right. I’ve been asked before by men what exactly they should do to fight sexism, and now I can point to this man as the answer. What he’s doing. That’s where you’ll help us the most; that’s how you can be effective.

Yup, the blog’s been around for over a year now. This would be much more impressive if I had posted consistently for more than a few months during the last year.

That is all.

Male DJ: Did you know that men spend more time planning for the Super Bowl than for Valentine’s Day?
Female DJ: I’m not surprised.

My thoughts: Well, yeah, sure, men who are interested in football, anyway. (That might even be most men, I don’t know–none of the guys I know are into football.) And why not? Why shouldn’t they be more interested in planning a party for an event they’re actually interested in, rather than planning how to show their love in a suitably cliche, homogenized fashion on an arbitrary date with too much importance placed on it? The stereotype is that most men think Valentine’s Day is a chore, a reluctant obligation, and I really don’t blame them. I think so too. I’d rather make plans to do something I find exciting, also.

So, yeah…male stereotype that guys care more about sports than romance, but really…lots of people care more about their hobbies than shit like Valentine’s Day. It’s probably a good thing.

Then that means everything is well and all content has been successfully transferred to the new host! Hooray!

Point of interest: you can now access this url through either http://www.melted-dreams.net/definition OR http://definition.earlbecke.com. I’m keeping the Melted Dreams domain indefinitely ’cause I don’t want to break everybody’s links and I don’t want to screw up my Technorati plugins (I mean, it’s not a huge deal, but I like being able to easily see who’s linked me).

I think I might be back-sorta. I don’t know. I just often don’t feel up to writing on this blog, or if I do, by the time I have a chance to write about whatever’s on my mind I’ve stopped caring.

Interestingly, I don’t feel a sense of burnout because of people’s reactions to what I say. I can handle criticism. I don’t really much care what people think about me. I can handle it. (Although I’m not going to let people waste my webspace by posting comments in which they call me a cunt. That’s not actually censorship, BTW, to those who feel so inclined; accusations of such will be cackled at and deleted anyway.) And it’s not that there’s just so many horrible things in the world that I get overwhelmed, that I don’t want to bother trying…I’m nothing if not stupidly ambitious.

It’s just there are too many things to write about. How do I pick and choose? If I focus on the issues of interest to me, I feel like I’m ignoring much bigger more important issues. I worry people will think I don’t care about those things, and I do, it’s just I only have so much time in the day and I’d rather just write down whatever theory is currently in my head. There’s just so many things to focus my attention on, and I can’t physically manage to cram it all into this blog… So I feel more burnt-out by the presence of my own limitations than anything else (heh, story of my life).

But there’s always something going through my head. There’s always something outrageous to write about. There’s always something so horrible I feel like I can’t not say anything…because sometimes it feels like nobody else will if I don’t. So I post intermittently anyway.

I’ll admit I’ve been really depressed since June. For months I could hardly feel motivated to get up and do anything, but I had to, so I did…barely. I wasn’t functional at all for awhile. I think I’m feeling better now; I’m still upset about how Susie went and I still miss her constantly, but I adopted a new ferret in August and he’s the sweetest most affectionate thing. He’s the biggest most obnoxious menace ever, always ripping things up and knocking stuff over, but how can you not forgive a normally hyperactive creature who loves to sit on your lap (and only your lap) calmly and quietly, who follows you around the house, and comes when you call, but who will not do these things for anyone else, ever? It’s love. And my other ferret likes him, too.

Anyway, feeling better, but mostly concerned for the moment with fiction writing. I don’t know what that means for the blog. I hope I can get up the motivation and inspiration to get it really going again. I tried a few weeks ago (you might have noticed) and it kind of just died. Or rolled over and fell back asleep. Or some other inappropriately personifying metaphor.

I’ve been having trouble not being able to moderate comments. I’ve disabled Spam Karma which I think was causing the problem. (It’s worked until now. Weird.) Now everything seems to be okay but there were a few legitimate comments out of the torrent of abusive ones (I can always tell when someone’s linked this site — I get a lot of comments on certain posts calling me names!) which I actually wanted to approve…but alas, they have been lost forever.

If you posted something nice about me or a question or something and the comment isn’t on the site, it’s because my Wordpress install ate it, not because I didn’t approve it. Sorry. Try again?

I don’t normally post about science fiction related things here, since it’s not really the focus of the blog (although that will probably change since it’s pretty much my life right now), but it is something I’m really into. So, NPR had a story yesterday about James Tiptree, Jr., called The Secret Sci-Fi Life of Alice B. Sheldon. They interviewed the author of a new biography of Tiptree that came out earlier this year. This isn’t news to me, and won’t be to some of you, but I still thought it was really cool to hear something about such an influential female SF writer on a mainstream program.

For those of you who don’t know who she was and don’t want to have to follow the link, I’ll sum up with the written introduction on the NPR page:

Science fiction writer James Tiptree, Jr. earned the reputation of being a male author who understood women.

Tiptree’s stories often addressed gender issues — on Earth and in worlds beyond.

One story in particular involves a woman opting to live with an alien nation, for the sole reason of avoiding the feeling of confinement she has in her male-dominated society.

There was a deep secret behind Tiptree’s sensitivity: In reality, he was a she. Alice B. Sheldon (1915 - 1987) used the male pen name to write in a time when male authors could expect more success in the realm of science fiction.

Julie Phillips wrote James Tiptree, Jr., a biography subtitled: “The Double Life of Alice B. Sheldon.” Phillips tells Andrea Seabrook why she was inspired to write the book, more about who Sheldon was and how the nom de plume changed Sheldon’s life.

Tiptree has really been an influence on my life and writing. Not because I’ve been influenced greatly by her style and subject matter, although I do think some of her writing is excellent, but more because her life and approach to it is so fascinating. I’ve always found the “feminine” gender role limiting. Until a few years ago, growing up, I felt I could solely identify with male role models, because I knew of few women who lived the sorts of lives men have always been allowed. It seemed that being female, feminine, limited you to a certain set of expectations, potentials, possibilities. Whereas being male or at least acting like it allowed anything to be possible. Men could do anything, be anyone. Women could be wives, mothers, and love interests. (Failing that, temptresses, witches, and Lady Macbeth. These have always been the feminine archetypes I preferred.)

I grew up in Utah, where gender roles and gendered expectations are alive and well and much more overt than in many other parts of the US, and this profoundly affected me. My mother was surprisingly feminist considering her background, and even though she was a stay at home mother of five (who now regrets her decision not to work), she always told me there was nothing wrong with being a girl and that I could do anything I wanted to do, anything a boy could. This was all well and good, but unfortunately, even if our parents are wonderful they are not the only influences on our life, and what I heard from my mother seemed to contradict the reality that assaulted me every day.

Read the rest of this entry »

The only reason I think this is worth commenting on is because I guest-posted on Alas back in May (sadly, a hectic month, so less productive than I’d hoped) and so I think my opinion is possibly relevant. I have always had a lot of respect for Barry and his work; he writes thought-provoking articles and he backs up his information with numbers and facts. This is great, since there are people like me who like to theorize about stuff but have no real data to reference — I really appreciate a lot of the posts on Alas as a resource. And despite his handling of the recent situation at Alas, I still have a lot of respect for him and his work because it is well-researched and well-written, and because I think he’s generally a pleasant person. I am unhappy that he knowingly did something which goes against the principles of a large portion of the community which made his site so popular, but people make mistakes and do stupid things sometimes, and what’s done is done.

Was this situation handled poorly? Yeah. Do I think Barry’s decision to sell his domain in general was a bad one? I don’t know; I wouldn’t want to do it. But I also have more content on my domain than Barry does. (He has a blog and some cartooning pages; I have two blogs, my art portfolio, an Escaflowne fan site, etc.) I’m very attached to it. But I’m not in his situation so I have no right to judge, and I’m not. Am I disappointed in the sort of content now on the amptoons.com domain? Hell yeah. Do I wish he’d looked for alternative solutions that might be more women-friendly and in line with his feminism and the feminism of other Alas posters who might have a problem with pornography (or, like me, a particular variety of pornography)? Definitely. Do I feel he’s “sold out”? Well, maybe a little, yeah, but if he’d sold out differently it would be okay. Selling out isn’t such a bad thing if you’re doing something vaguely in-line with your ethics and ideals.

But…most important, given some of the criticism I’ve seen about him exploiting women by asking them to guest-blog for free, etc… Do I feel he’s exploited my work for personal gain? No. I don’t think he ever had that intention. Am I upset I wasn’t consulted about his decision to sell Alas? I’m not sure. Not really; I didn’t contribute as much as many other people have, and it is (was) his domain to do with as he pleases. Barry has now gotten in touch with everyone who’s written for his blog to let them know we can take our work down if we don’t want it on the site, and while it’s a little late in coming, better late than never, so I’m okay with it.

I’m separating here the person from his actions. Obviously, we can only judge people by their actions, and if they continually say one thing and do another, it can no longer be excused as a mistake, a lapse in judgement, a poor decision. I don’t feel Barry has done this (others do), so I think the situation is unfortunate but forgivable. No hard feelings.

But I have asked him to take my posts off the site while the content which he doesn’t control links to pornographic websites. If the advertising in the future changes to something I find unobjectionable or if Alas moves to a new home, I will be fine with him putting my posts back up.

Here’s why: I wouldn’t say I’m pro- or anti-porn. I see nothing wrong with sexually explicit material; I like to personally describe a lot of my fiction as being borderline-pornographic. To me, it’s a value-neutral term. Porn can be degrading and misogynistic, and it can be fun and egalitarian. Certainly, almost all of it is the former. But, if it depicts people who haven’t been coerced actually enjoying themselves (rare in hardcore movies and such, I know–fiction is better in this regard), I don’t see the problem. I like porn with feminist and queer sensibilities. (I know some feminists will argue that can’t/doesn’t exist, but I have a wide definition of what I’d term porn, including erotic literature.) So if the content on amptoons.com were linking to material I didn’t find otherwise objectionable, I wouldn’t really have a problem. My site isn’t exactly safe for work as it is, what with all my nude art and general amount of foul language.

The problem is that the material being linked to I find racist, misogynistic, anti-queer, etc. Given that I am currently attempting to build a career based on feminist, queer, anti-racist writing, and given that I do use my penname as my handle on Alas and Definition, I do not want my words associated with a domain that also promotes that kind of material. I do not want that content to reflect on me or my writing, because I feel that undermines what I am trying to achieve professionally. If I left my words there, I would feel like a hypocrite, and certainly, I wouldn’t be willing to guest-post on Alas now, given the other content on Barry’s domain — not because I don’t like Alas, or Barry, but simply because it runs counter to my principles and goals at this time.

Anyway, if you’ve somehow managed to miss this whole thing, here’s some links:

The new Alas post detailing the sale of amptoons.com.
A good round-up of posts on the issue at Creative Destruction.

1. Why is liking to cook a gendered behavior and why is it unfeminist to take care of my house? Because, really, these are practical life skills and something that needs to be done by someone. This isn’t abstract theory. I’d be lying if I claimed there was no pressure whatsoever to take care of my house, but when I’m the only one with the free time to do it and I don’t actually mind, and if my siblings do their chores also and the boys do as much if not more housework than the girls, what exactly is the problem? Christ. You’d think wanting to eat decent home-cooked food or not wanting the kitchen to be buried in dirty dishes was some sort of crime against feminism. (And I’m not even supportive of so-called “choice feminism”!) I mean…really, people, it’s just something that needs to be taken care of, preferably by someone who doesn’t mind taking care of it.

Now when everyone else refuses to clean the litter box, that’s what pisses me off. Which reminds me…ugh.

2. Why are there no decent candidates running for…well, anything? The gubernatorial election in Colorado is specifically what I’m talking about. So there’s the Republican candidate, terrifying in most every way, and the Democrat who, true to the party line, is less evil and doesn’t seem to actually stand for anything without scowling about how he disapproves personally first (see: stance on abortion), and then there’s the Libertarian who is great on women’s issues and gay rights but is, well, Libertarian, and thus whom I cannot vote for in good conscience as the commie I am.

Okay, that’s oversimplifying. Her stance on immigration terrifies me, as does the general Libertarian philosophy regarding social welfare programs, which she definitely supports. Which brings me to the big point: all the candidates have fairly inadequate platforms regarding immigration. This is a big deal to me. I get to hear people using “immigration” as a thinly-veiled pretense for their racism every single day. “Immigration” as an excuse to ignore the complex race and class issues that are actually at the core of the matter. “Immigration” as a front to promote hate speech against not only undocumented workers, but pretty much anyone who vaguely resembles what they imagine lurks south of the border (where everything is Mexico), which includes anyone with darker skin, a Spanish-sounding last name, and/or a funny accent — because if you’re not white you must be “illegal”. No other explanation for it.

And I’m sick to death of this. Beauprez’s the worst; his website from what I’ve seen (and I didn’t linger very long) seems to be fairly tame compared to the propaganda his campaign’s been plastering all over Denver. It’s all xenophobic, reactionary hate speech. That’s all it is. At least Ritter’s only committed to enforcing the laws we already have, punishing companies who hire undocumented workers and the like, which I can support from a legal perspective even if it isn’t particularly useful or humane. (My personal opinions and proposed solutions? Maybe another time.)

I hate feeling these split loyalties. I can’t find a candidate who seems anywhere near decent on all the issues personally important to me: gay rights, women’s rights, immigration, and a general commitment to helping people in poverty you know, not starve or die from preventable illnesses and that kind of thing. The one that’s okay on the first two is terrible on the others. The one that’s more moderate on the last two is not that great on the first two. There was recently a post on the feminist community on LiveJournal urging people to vote for Winkler because she’s unabashedly pro-choice…without realizing that, for some of us affected by other issues, that’s not enough on its own. When I hear people talking about how “Mexicans are less than human” (actual quote) and about what they want to do to “those Hispanics”, you know what? Whether I, the queer Latina girl who mostly doesn’t like guys and isn’t sexually active, can get an abortion is the lesser threat to my immediate wellbeing.

3. If you have to preface a statement with “I’m not racist…” whatever comes out of your mouth next is almost certainly racist, and if not, it’s at the least going to be ignorant, poorly thought-out, problematic, or insensitive. Ditto for “I’m not sexist”, “I’m not homophobic”, etc. I know it’s been said before but it bears repeating.

3. a) If you feel the need to include someone’s race when talking about them in a situation where you would never think of attaching a racial slur if they were white, you’re racist. Sorry. (Or not. Yeah, not sorry.)

3. b) If you don’t want to be around me because you feel “judged” because I think you’re racist, maybe you shouldn’t say racist things. No, I’m not going to feel bad for leveling judgement after you just said something horribly offensive about the ethnic group I happen to, um, belong to. Especially if by “horribly offensive” I’m just trying to be polite about the fact that you just told me you want to commit what would legally constitute a hate crime.

4. Okay, I think I feel better until something else comes to mind.

5. Oh yeah, and I’m going to see the Dalai Lama speak tomorrow and that’s going to be really, really awesome. This isn’t an annoyance…unless maybe we start talking about how I feel about Tibet. I guess that’s another discussion for another time.